Zartan of Cobra was one of the coolest bad guys from G.I. Joe back before we knew what the term “ambiguous” meant.

Major Bludd.  This guy was a chump.  Cobra operative from G.I. Joe.  Obnoxious.

And here’s Destro, the bare-chested creepy Cobra officer from G.I. Joe!

The Cobra Viper from G.I. Joe.  These guys were like the foot soldiers from Ninja Turtles.  There were just millions and they got shot, ripped in half, and blown up by the dozens.  And, of course, Cobra could just make more because they were all robots.  God how I loved the cartoons of yesteryear.

This is the Cobra BAT from G.I. Joe.  BAT stands for Battery Automated Terrorist.. or something.

Ah, the Baroness, evil queen of Cobra, whore of Babylon to the G. I. Joes (see The Bible, ch. Revelation).  This character was, I’m sure, many little boys’ first encounter with thinking both that a bad guy(er.. girl) was attractive and that a Russian accent could be sexy.

“We all go home or nobody goes home!”

Sgt. Slaughter is so bad.  It takes a hulking mass of a man to be both a G.I. Joe and a professional wrestler.  Ok, maybe it’s not that big of a deal.  Still, he’s one bad mofo.

I’m going to level here and admit I didn’t see the new G.I. Joe movie.  There’s so much potential to do it wrong and I’ve been let down so hard by Star Wars and Alien vs. Predator that I’m just not ready to make that leap of faith.  Having said that, this is how SnakeEyes looked in the original cartoon and comic series.  I’m not sure how this version compares to the film’s rendition, and I probably won’t find out very soon.

StormShadow, the Cobra nemesis of SnakeEyes from G.I. Joe, is my first memory of thinking a bad guy was cooler than a good guy.

The cloth mask, while affording much less protection, was infinitely cooler.

For search function purposes, this is Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe.